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Samm
NOVEMBER WINDS
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Richard sat in front of the window watching the November rains assault the colorful trees. Each swirling gust of wind ripped more leaves from their moorings and hurled them across the lawn, leaving cold, bare branches scratching at the darkened sky.
The same thoughts tumbled over and over in his mind, his anguish intensifying with each cycle. It had been ten months since Richard met up with a drunk driver -- head on. "What kind of a husband can I be?"
The clock chimed. Richard heard his wife enter the kitchen behind him.
"School's out," Bonnie began. "Since the weather is so miserable, I'm going to drive over to the bus stop and pick up the kids."
Richard heard her keys jingling but made no effort to respond.
Bonnie walked up behind Richard's wheelchair, slid her arms around him, and rested her chin on the top of his head. "Are you feeling all right?" her voice lighthearted. "This is where you're supposed to jump in and remind me to stop babying the kids."
Other than the rain pelting the windowpanes, the only sound was the mechanical, rhythmic whooshing of Richard's respirator.
How he longed to take Bonnie in his arms and hold her right now! He couldn't even feel her arms around him. All he could feel was her soft breath on his hair, his tears rolling down his cheeks, and the breaking of his heart.
Bonnie whisked around in front of his chair. "What's wrong?"
Richard tried to voice his thoughts. "It would be understandable-- I mean, it's okay with me if you...."
He couldn't make himself finish.
Leaning closer, Bonnie looked into Richard's eyes. "If I what?" she pursued gently.
"If you wanted to find a lover... I would understand."
Bonnie sat up straight, stiff, stunned. "Is THAT what you've been thinking about? Giving me permission to have an affair?"
"You're only thirty-six... a beautiful woman with wants and needs...," he tried to explain.
Bonnie grinned. She swooped over him, covering him with a hug. "I love you, Richard Benjamin Marshall," she whispered between the kisses she scattered upon his face. "I love YOU. Haven't you realized yet that our love is more intimate than physical contact?"
Richard couldn't believe his ears.
"It's your love and friendship that I need. Just being with you, sharing life with you, THAT'S what I crave. The physical part was just 'extra.'" Again she kissed him. "I would be incomplete without you to love and be loved by."
Richard swore he felt heat rush through his motionless body. He realized he was more deeply in love than ever. He hoped his eyes conveyed what his words and body could not.
© November 2001-2 Susan McLean Russak
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