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A Day to Remember
by Sals
One Valentine's Day I will always remember started out as one of those dreary days in February like so many we'd been seeing that winter. Once in a while there was some sun, but mostly cloudy and drab. When I think back, I suppose part of that dreary weather had to do with my own increasingly drab life. Needless to say, things had not been going well.
As I got ready for school I was trying to bolster up for the hustle and bustle of the Valentine's Day party with my second graders at Lincoln Elementary where I'd been teaching for the last four years. That group of children was the most animated class I'd had to date. They were so excited about the day's festivities, they could hardly contain themselves the day before. I was hoping I could lose myself in their enthusiasm and forget the recent developments in my personal life.
My husband was already gone as he was every morning since he lost his job. It'd been a long time since Steve had said anything about even getting a nibble. There's not much call for the old-fashioned meat cutters these days. Steve said that most anyone from off the street could go in and stock the cases with the pre-packaged meat that is shipped in. They very seldom actually do any cutting now. Not that they don't go through some training, just not like it was twenty years ago. Most employers are not wanting to pay a man with that type of experience these days. As the days and weeks dragged by, Steve had increasingly become silent and unapproachable. We hadn't been talking much or anything else for that matter. He'd been staying gone longer and longer as each week passed.
I wondered about things as I put on the last touches of makeup, nearly poking myself in the eye. Just what I needed right then. Packed up my bag of goodies for my kids along with work sheets to get copied. We couldn't get along without the Valentine's coloring sheets, of course. They were a must right along with several games. I didn't want to forget one of my favorite movies, Disney's "The Jungle Book". I love Balou the Bear and his sense of ease and rhythm. It rather reminded me of simpler, happier times. Ooops, I had almost forgotten the punch and cups, back I went to the kitchen one more time. Whew! What a frantic morning it had turned into.
When everything was packed in the trunk, I backed out of our garage for the millionth time since we bought the house. I had to try two times that morning. The second time I went off the driveway I realized my mind was still on the way Steve had been avoiding any personal contact. It was hard to keep the tears from forming. When a man starts losing confidence in himself to be able to take care of his family, no telling what might happen.
Especially a man like Steve who has so much pride in being the head of our home and in fear of losing it. As a teacher in Arkansas, I don't make enough to support us on my one salary alone. We'd gotten by in slim times before, but Steve had always been working. That makes a huge difference in the way you think. So where has he been all these hours when businesses are usually shut down? I had been trying to find out and to let him know I still loved him. I even sent him a balloon for Valentine's. When he told me to take it back in that black mood he'd adopted the last several days I figured we were in deep trouble. Especially when all of my efforts to discuss our feelings and find out if I could help him, sank like the Titanic. That was the worst thing to do of course.
Steve just cringed and walked away. When I tried to touch him, he winced as if it hurt. All the different clues seemed to add up to a failed marriage. My second graders could add two plus two. Did it always have to add up to four? Even if he got a job, I didn't know how much damage had been done. Had his pride and sense of maleness been completely stripped from him? Of course being female I had done all the wrong things. No, I had never yelled or got mad. Maybe I should have. Instead I tried to ride it out, understand and be there for him. As time went on, I cried a lot when Steve wasn't around, but I think he knew. Looking back on it now, I realize it didn't help. No solutions showed their heads and the school loomed as I pulled into the parking lot.
Hauling all the supplies in took some effort, but it could not take my mind off our failed love. Steve had never been one to do much for holidays. I knew there would be nothing in the office for me as there was for many other teachers that day. Ms. Olive got her usual bouquet of hearts and flowers which she put in the teacher's lounge for all to see. The secretary, Ms. Dawna received the same chocolate roses she got from her husband every year. All I got was "Oh, I'm sorry he hasn't go a job yet. Give him our best and we'll pray for you." They were all very sweet and sincere. Only the best was meant, but it cut like a razor. Deep ugly gashes were becoming my heart and I was helpless to do anything about it. The love of my life was slipping away. No matter how hard I prayed and held on it kept melting through my fingers.
We somehow managed to get through a little work that morning. With a bit of pushing the class finished their math then got ready for lunch. All washed hands and Tristan handed out the lunch tickets. For once not one child complained of not feeling well or had to get their temperature taken. It's amazing what the promise of a party can do for your health. We lined up to wait our turn, as one student reminded me we were second that week. At the right time our line leader, Caroline, lead us down toward the cafeteria. She took her job seriously and made sure everyone kept up. When we got close she had to stop for another florist delivery person.
Everyone ooohhed and ahhhed at the bright colored flowers with flowing ribbons that she was delivering to the office. It was an unusually large bouquet with a real sized greeting card attached. Students and teachers alike were whispering about who they might be for. Wondering myself, I was a bit envious of the care and love that went into the selection of the gift. I was sure that each color stood for something special. They had chosen flowers the color of garnets, the purest white, heavenly royal blue and that deep wonderful purple that some use for church. The clearest of yellows and the lightest of ice blue were such delicate flowers they reminded me of the fairies in tales of yore. The front of the card held the promise of a love that would never end. Then I remembered Sarah was about to get married and how excited she'd been. David must have sent them to her. My stomach dropped when I realized I must have been hoping.
How idealistic and wonderful young love is. There's nothing like that rush of feeling that hits like a sledge hammer and you can't stay away from each other longer than absolutely necessary. Making long trips every day and weekends just because. I remembered those days very well. Though it'd been years before Steve had pledged his love forever. It seemed like yesterday in my mind, but my heavy heart felt as if it'd been light years since that carefree time. Craning their necks as we went around the corner, the kids kept trying to see the flowers. I hurried them to the cafeteria and went back to my room for some quiet. Would the peace ever come back? I reminded myself that we just had to get through the party then we could all go home. Did I want to go home? Is there anything there for me to go to? I didn't know the answers any more. I just had to get through each minute without breaking.
Lunch and recess over the party began. Giving out little cards of friendship and candy the children revelled in the glorious time of innocence. They drank their punch as they visited and played at cluttered desks. Papers and crumbs fell on the floor without notice. Some drew and colored more hearts laced with notes of "I like you" "Do you like me?". Even at that young age they were vying for attention. With just minutes to go we shut off the movie and clean-up began. Then the ritual of putting on coats and putting the chairs up was over. I had packed while the kids did since I had duty that afternoon. When the early bus bell rang they were ready to go. The car riders and walkers lined up next chattering excitedly about how Mom and Dad were going to like their hand made sacks and the booty they'd collected. Eve Miller, from the class next door, took care of my students while I went toward the office for my duty at the front cross walk.
When I neared the office Ms. Dawna motioned me to come in. "Well, what now" I thought. She took my stop sign and gave it to another teacher to do my duty! Perplexed I asked "What's going on?" She then pointed to the unusually large brightly colored bouquet we had seen earlier. She said "These are for you." Cautiously, I made my way over and started looking for the card. I noticed a small box next to the card. It was pearl grey velvet and as I opened it my heart skipped a beat. Inside was a slim wedding band. My breath was sucked from my lungs as I looked closer. The ring was cheap, small and well worn from long gone days of washing dishes, diapers and just general wear and tear. It'd been a long time since I'd worn it. Steve had replaced it with a better quality ring sometime before. With shaking hands I opened the card. The most beautiful words swam in front of me. As I was trying to wipe the tears so I could read them, Steve stepped out of the shadows and said:
"With this ring I give to you a
love that is timeless.
A sincere heart that knows our yesterdays
and belongs to you forever.
Your ginger with that touch of shyness
holds my life in your hands.
Save my life, sweetheart
Please be mine once again."
He took my first wedding ring from the velvet box and caressingly put it on my finger. "With this ring I thee wed for richer or poorer. For better or worse, please be my wife for the rest of our days." The most handsome man in the world folded me into his arms and took me home.
All of my worst fears were now for nothing. Though we came so close to losing each other because of pride and money we learned these things really don't matter. I may never know exactly what brought Steve back from the brink. I did find out that he'd been helping a close friend through a break-up during that time. Maybe God had used that to bring him home.
There will never be another Valentine's Day quite like that one again. I'll remember it always as the day our lives were renewed and we truly became one.
© 2001 Sally A. Petty
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