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Happiness: What It Is and How To Find It
by LaVonne Boruk
Has anyone ever told you that someone else is responsible for your happiness? If so, they lied. Where is it stated that another person has to make you happy? Who would even know how to begin to make you happy? Have you whispered in someone's ear that owning a mink coat would make you happy? Or a new computer? Or even money to pay the rent? These things might make you feel better for a little while, but that kind of happiness is illusive.
It is also elusive. It slips right through your fingers and then you realize that you still have that nagging feeling of unhappiness in the pit of your stomach. It is within your own power to be happy. No one else can do it for you. Not your mother, not your daddy, not your siblings or best friends. Not even your spouse. For they are all too busy making themselves happy, or should be.
I can hear you asking how do I find happiness? First, maybe we should talk about how you do not find it. It is not hiding in mink coats, computers, the finest homes, china, silk, and the like. It is not lurking in your neighbor's yard. Maybe your neighbor has found it, but they haven't left it lying around for anybody to pick up and carry off at will. No, if they have been diligent enough to find it in the first place, they certainly are not going to be so careless as that with it. For it is a precious commodity, right up there with time. And when it's gone, it's gone. So those who have it guard it with their life.
Neither do you find happiness in passing on harmful gossip, trying to mind the business that rightfully belongs to another. It might make you feel better for a moment, but harmful gossip only makes other think less of the one who passes on the gossip. Who can be happy if others have no respect for them?
You won't find happiness by being envious of others, or coveting their belongings, or trying to keep up with your neighbor. Nor by adding some undeserved color to a story you relate to someone else. For example, I remember a time when my husband told me of something a neighbor told him about me long ago. When he'd finished telling the story, I suppose my husband didn't give him the reaction he was looking for, so he made one final statement. I wondered, he said, what she was doing parked there in that taxi stand.
By this time my husband had heard enough and his reply was, she was minding her own business. What the man had neglected to tell him, and what my husband knew well, was that I was parked in front of a church where there happened to be a taxi stand, and also the office where my husband worked. I was waiting for my husband to get off work so that we could go home.
I think that man enjoyed telling him that story. Probably he thought it would make him happy to see some pain on my husband's face. But he was the one who wound up feeling the pain of embarrassment. I hope he learned something from that. Now, many years later, Hubby and I still laugh about that story.
So where and how do you find happiness? Look in the mirror. You are a precious person. You deserve to be happy. No matter what life has handed you, you can overcome all obstacles to your happiness. There will be deaths and other serious events in your life. They will make you excruciatingly sad, but the sadness will ease in time and you will be able to laugh again. There is nothing you or anyone can do about such events.
Look in the mirror again and tell yourself that you will never do or say anything that is unkind to you or to others. In order to be happy you must feel good about yourself. Forgive yourself for all the things you might have done in the past that were hurtful to others. Humans err. That's normal. You're not some hateful dragon just because you may have made a few mistakes in your life. We all do; but most of us can and do apologize when appropriate, then put it out of our minds and go on with our lives, promising ourselves that we'll learn from that mistake and never commit that same error again.
If you have a lot of time on your hands, don't sit there twiddling your thumbs. Learn to do something constructive, instead. Take some college courses, or high school classes. Learn some hobbies. Read an interesting book. Do whatever gives you pleasure. Don't wait for your hubby to get home from work or fishing, or wherever he happens to be at the moment. Chances are he is going to be too tired to worry whether you've had a good day or not. It's not his responsibility to make you happy anyway, remember? That's your job. And as soon as you take responsibility for it you will begin to be a lot happier than you possibly ever thought you could be.
So while your hubby is at work, or out having fun with his friends, don't sit at home alone and mope. Keep active in the things you enjoy doing. Cultivate some worthwhile friendships. Seek out people you admire. You will become a more interesting person, and who knows, your hubby just might decide to skip that hunting or fishing trip and stay home with you for a change of pace.
©2001 LaVonne Boruk
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