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di's Insite
Counting Bruises
I am one of those people who bruise easily. I am always bumping into things but I ignore the slight pain and seldom know I have done it again---added to my collection of bruises. That is, until I get ready for a bath. Ever wonder who thought of those large bathroom mirrors?
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An old house I lived in once, had only the smallest of mirrors over the sink in the bathroom. I liked that big spacious bathroom and tub! The mirror was just right---I could comb my hair and not face the rest of this blooming body. The new houses seem to think large mirrors are an asset in the bathroom. I think they belong in walk-in closets. I don't mind seeing if my fully clothed body is all zipped and ready to face the neighborhood. I am not ready to face my naked body early in the morning---let's be truthful here---I am not ready to face my naked body glaring back at me in lights meant to reveal hidden bodies in the baseboard. It is depressing to know how much exercise I have not done or seeing those sundaes partying on my thighs.
Worse still, is the landmark scars, the blue highway maps, and signs of recent bumps---those bruises I could have done without knowing about. It is a good thing we have to be clothed for our driver's licenses' pictures! I would be arrested for personal abuse. I don't try to make more bruises appear, but I am sure each morning that large ugly mirror has a bet going with my tender skin. I think the payoff must be accordingly to how much reaction I reflect in the mirror. It is not without rewards I am sure.
Some bruises are really my own fault. I just have my mind on other things---who moved that kitchen counter anyway? Lately, the blame can fall on my dog, Shadow. He is a happy dog so he could care less if he is blamed. It is his fault that my latest set of bruises are having an ache party.
Ache parties are not fun for the body. They seem to invite more guests till not one inch is left alone to suffer. This party all started when the brain refused to acknowledge common sense. Hey, it was early and I had not made coffee yet. The day before, I found out here at my son's where I am house sitting, that early morning sprinklers are all set to give the golden retriever his daily bath. Shadow thought this was a neat set up. In my dreamy writing state of mind, I let the dogs out to stop the "I-wanna-go-out" whining that sat at the back door. They had romped all day outdoors and I thought they would enjoy my company indoors. I am not one to make someone stay with me when obviously they want to leave. This time, a little more persuasion on my part would have been a good idea.
I opened the door; the dogs headed for the sprinklers but I wasn't watching. Instead I went back to editing, enjoying the silence. Later, two strange looking dogs now shivering in the cooling night air, rang the back door bell. Yes, sometimes it runs in families, this lack of forethought. My son put a doorbell on the back door. The retriever has taught Shadow to ring the doorbell. I cannot ignore it. So pulling myself away from the computer, I hastily go to open the door. Looking out the window I see not my pretty red and black dogs, but a mud covered pair.......if dog noses were red, they would have looked like giant chocolate sundaes! Guess that memory ought to put me off my desserts for awhile!
Beside the back door inside, sits their dog cages. I used to not care for cages but now understand that when used sparingly, they can give the owner a peace of mind. This time I needed a peace of mind. I didn't relish the thought of my son's nice new sofas being muddied. I grabbed collars and guided the dogs into cages. Locked up, I gazed at the task before me. I made a CEO decision---Cease Every Operation of the dogs and ignore their plight till I can deal with it. Besides, they needed to dry before I could even walk them to the tub.
I was determined not to repeat that memory this morning. I woke up to the whines of IWGO. Remember, I didn't have my coffee waker-up yet. I hastily dressed and pulled on my grab-the-sidewalk-sneakers. I knew with two dogs in tow I would need all the grip I could obtain. The retriever has a long woven leash.....he is trained or so my son says. He has been to obedience school often enough to make them happy to see him. When my son is going on a vacation, Rico gets to attend another type of training---last time I think he was taking How To Fool Your Master---whatever, he is a fast learner. I think he has taken just about every type of class offered. Is there a masters degree for dogs?
Shadow has a retractable leash he loves. Holding the end cord in his mouth while I grip the red plastic handle, holding my thumb ready to plunge in the stop-moving button, we embark on a shared walk with Rico. That is, I open the front door, holding leashes in one hand while I turn to lock the door with keys entangled in my yellow spring-wrist cord. Bad decision. Who would break in anyway with alarms going and dogs barking? I should have thought more on this or at least waited till I had a cup of coffee.
Shadow, ever anxious to show his big brother the latest message on the fire hydrant ten feet away, decides now is the time to show off. Why do they put those hydrants close to a beautiful landscaped yard? Some fireman probably thought them as assessories or has a dog bigger than him. Anyway, Shadow jerks, the leash handle goes flying after him......the retractable leash.
Clanging over the early morning street, I gripped the retriever's leash who is delighted I have taken up jogging. Shadow looks back with glee......remember the kid who has discovered the neat sound a card makes in his bike wheels? Grinning, pink tongue hanging out, black eyes dancing, CLEAN black velvet fur becomes a blur. Thinking back, why did I care how clean he stayed? After all, he is just a dog playing. I could have waited to give him a bath after we got back home---clothespins are cheap enough and only pinch slightly....might even help lose some of my fat nose!
I bet the neighbors are still laughing. I know they had to hear the commotion of leash dragging over the sidewalks and street---luckily, everyone was either sleeping in or getting ready for church......just had a thought......am I ever glad no one in their Sunday best came outside at that moment!
I am yelling, Rico is barking, Shadow clanging, ghost dogs behind fences encouraging---"Go, Shadow, Go!"
Finally, the retractable leash cord has bounced the handle around the dog's legs....Shadow stops to nip at it. I try to catch up, panting with another heart attack, stick out my foot to stop the red plastic handle.........Rico decides to help his buddy. Big lumbering body rushes up to small black one, pushing the leash handle out of reach. Shadow jumps up to greet him, leg untangles and they are off to see the wizard......or maybe just to whiz. I still have Rico's leash wrapped around my wrist. Ever try to come out of the splits rapidly? It can be done.
Up ahead I see a small transformer box sitting by a curb---well that is what it looked like. Shadow stops to investigate; Rico is curious. Ever try to put on the brakes with grab-the-sidewalk-sneakers? They ain't gonna slide into home base. I hope they keep those metal covers in stock. Shadow was surprised I decided to inspect his emails. I think he was so indignant of this latest invasion of his privacy that I caught him off guard. Rico, being nosy, just had to take a look too. Quick thinking saved the day: I grabbed the red handle and sat still, letting my heart start beating again while I pondered how to get cords untangled around skinned knees and furry legs. I got lots of kisses for my efforts.
By the way, I expected the doors of nearby houses would open and someone would rush to my wrecked body. Nope. I think they were all on the floor still laughing when I humbly limped back to the house, daring the dogs to jerk even once. The muddy wet sod seemed inviting now. I put the dogs out to enjoy their beauty treatment and went in search of one for myself.
That brings us back to the mirror.
Hurting, I didn't need another slight to my already damaged ego. Still without coffee, my brain failed to protect me; my eyes glanced at the mirror. Add huge bruises, bleeding fingers and knees, a few swelling hills and you have a whole new landscape to admire. I ran a hot bath and couldn't resist looking again---it was quite interesting till I remembered that was me in full Technicolor.
When I get rich, I am going to build my dream house and there will not be one mirror in it.
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© 2000 di
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