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di's Insite
Online Romance, Part 2
Online romance for men seems to be of different expectations than for women.
Women tend to trust them less than men do.
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Maybe it is because men expect women to be more honest about who they are, and what they want out of a relationship. The men I talked to for this series, seemed genuinely hurt by the women they had hoped would turn out to be that one special one in their lives. I think men are just as anxious as women are to find the one person who shares their interests and plans for the future.
One young man who was in his early twenties, lived in France. He thought when dating his new online romance, she was perfect. They liked the same music and foods. So he asked her to move in with him. Within a short time, he found she was not at home much... and not with him. She liked to party, and was not inviting him to go along. And one day he came home to find some of his things gone. Naturally that romance did not last. Was he shy then later upon meeting another from online? No, for in a short time he found one who turned out to be his true love and I am happy to report, they are still together!
One young man told me of an online romance he was sure was 'the real thing'. They had so much in common! Since she lived in Canada, he invited her to come for a visit. They seemed to get along great, so the next move was her moving into his apartment. As soon as they were established with her things mixed with his, things started going downhill. He thought something was odd, but he was not so sure what it was until the day he came home to find her gone without a trace. No, all his things were there. Naturally, he began to get worried about her. For months he could only talk to her online... she said she needed to be home for 'family reasons.' He accepted that.
A time came when there was no word from her for weeks. Finally he traced her down at her former home. A man answered. When he asked about her, the man said she was lying down now. He asked the man if she was OK. The man said, yes the delivery went fine... delivery? The man informed him she had a baby! Calculating, he knew it was not his. That may be so extreme that you wonder if it is true. Some true stories are like that... and some people are without life experiences to tell them what is true and what is not.
One more story that you may find easier to believe. A man, in his forties met a woman from online at a local bar. In the dim lights, he saw a woman dressed in black with black finger nail polish. He said it was 'sort of punk style but I was not turned off by it; she was younger.' Well, the music was loud, a few drinks were had, and they had difficulty talking above the noise so he suggested they go out to her car to talk. She agreed.
Within the confines of the car, it became obvious to the man that she reeked of cheap perfume. In a short time she leaned over for a kiss (well this part I had a little trouble with-- she leaned over and he did not? Come on. We know how it is!) He said the combined perfume with her lack of hygiene made the odor so objectionable, he had to excuse himself to go outside to throw up! He told her he had to leave, and she asked why? He said, 'I told her to figure it out for herself!' I am not so sure she did figure that one out!
Sometimes women find men living in a pig sty-- the apartment is a mess they tell me. But men seem to find the living arrangements of females equally in disarray. One told me there was garbage strewn everywhere... so bad that he suggested they leave for another place to meet.
Now I wonder, what goes through someone's mind when they are preparing to meet? Aren't most of us aware of first impressions? Or are some so depressed and lonely they cannot muster up the strength to at least give a cursory cleaning and pick-up? Or one more thought: maybe some just feel, "if you like me the way I am, then you will not be surprised later to find I am a messy housekeeper!" I don't know, dear reader, what would your reaction be to finding the living arrangement less than sanitary?
One last note here for you to think about. When you meet someone online, please be careful. One man was known to give many false names and conjure up lots of fake backgrounds. His writing was very intelligent sounding; his emails were enticing. Women were attracted to him. Just as they were going to meet him, he would draw back, fake an injury or worse, just disappear. It took me a while to track this man's fake identities. And finally after much criss-crossing of emails, addresses, and jobs, I found his true identity. So did some of the women!
He would not talk about it, so don't, dear readers, ask me his name! But one curious piece of information I did find. He had used an alias once too often. And it was a name already used on the net by a very nice man. I talked to that man and he told me it was causing him some considerable grief with his present girlfriend. He was getting emails from the women who thought he was the impostor! I had checked his background and his address and it was not the same man, just the same name. So you see, you can check the phone book and it may look like you are talking to a real person, one who is traceable-- when indeed you are talking to someone posing as another person!
How do you tell then, that the person online is telling you the truth?
I wish I could tell you it is easy: It is not. For the words on your screen do not convey body language or any of the signs you have learned from experiences in dating. Only meet someone in a crowded restaurant during daylight. It is best you take a friend with you. Your friend will understand if their intentions are honorable. And please don't park your car where the license plate is easily readable. Remember you can be found in a county phone book!
Never meet someone you have the slightest doubt about. Your alarm system in your brain is all you have to go on: Trust it. Never meet someone at their house or apartment. You should not have them at yours either. Now that sounds just like common sense, I know, but many of you will go ahead anyway.
I urge you to stay in public places, meet their families and friends if you can, even in future meetings. Do they want to be with you in public? If he or she shies away from public places, are you sure that person is not married? It may sound exciting to you to meet someone on the sly, but it won't be a happy time if you have meet on the sly. There are plenty of single people on the net who are lonely. Just be careful you only meet where there are plenty of people.
There are always the good and the bad on the net. Please do not think I am against online romances! Far from the truth, as you will see in my next and last series on online romances. There are indeed success stories of couples who meet on the net.
If you met your spouse on the net, I would love to hear your romance story!
Send me email
© 1999 di
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