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di's Insite
Vending Machines
There is a joke going around the net about a blonde woman (hey ladies, let's start changing those to a blonde male... that ought to stop them!) at Reno's slot machines area who is feeding quarters into a coke machine, one after another, filling her arms with cans of coke. A man nearby notices her and finally asks her what she is doing. She replies: "I am winning, can't you see?"
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Now I don't know about you, but I personally have never felt like a winner around vending machines. I am convinced these modern robots have brain chips recording my frustrations for their makers to have a good laugh at my expense. Their surgeons, those so-called repairmen, arrive with no better diagnostic tools than any medical doctor-- they are practicing medicine too.
They administer their medical oils, that stuff they poke in somewhere in the dark caverns of internal organs, and look satisfied with their work, smile, say, "it will be fine now", leave the poor robot to work as if nothing happened.
No wonder it rebels and starts eating all my change. Those beady button eyes glare at me for sure, and I don't blame it-- last time I had surgery, no one DARED poke me!
Upon discussing vending machine eaters, one young man on the net told me how he got his revenge. Now this is illegal so don't tell anyone I told you how to do this! He put some tape on the end of a dollar bill and stuck it in the slot. As soon as he hears the clicking start, he yanks it back out. I thought how clever, not knowing there would come a time to try it out.
I had stopped at a rest area on one of my many van trips to stretch my legs. Being the coke cola addict I am, right away I spotted that bright red machine. I popped my quarters in, one after another, and still no coke came out. I looked around for the guard for help but of course they are never around when you need them. Then I remembered the advice from that young man.
No one else was around. Hey, I had paid more for one coke than a whole six-pack! Sure enough, I had a dollar so went back to my van for scotch tape. I taped and inserted my dollar into the machine. As instructed, I pulled on it when the clicking started. My dollar bill did not come out in one piece and a lot of noisily protest from the vending machine ensued. I think it had a cold: it sounded like sniffling to me!
This would have been the end of my adventure in crime, but that is not all. Suddenly that machine reacted violently, as if poisoned. Out came not one can but one right after another! I gathered them up as soon as they came, stacking them on the concrete beside the machine. Finally it stopped with a groan and 13 cans of coke stared back at me. I stared back. My logical mind said if left them behind, everyone who came by would take them without paying. I had paid enough for them. I did the only thing I could do: I took them back to my van.
Sure enough, that was when the guard decided to show up. Have you ever tried to defend yourself to someone who has made up their mind about you without taking the time to really get to know you? He was one stubborn mule! I tried to explain how revenge works with vending machines. Obviously, this man did not drink coke thus understanding my desperation. He actually wanted to call the police! I even offered him half of them.
I am sure that vending machine perked up when he appeared. Probably has a crush on him. Think about it. Those machines sit there day and night, hoping someone will talk to them. The guard becomes their buddy as he has nothing to do late at night. I bet they even fake a breakdown for him, just so he can fiddle with their innards.
So don't try to mess with vending machines when they don't give you anything for their money. You may end up like I did, trying to explain to a judge why I refuse to pay anymore for that can of coke!
If you have had an interesting travel experience at a rest area, I would
love to hear about it! Email di_txwriter@hotmail.com I will reply as soon as possible!
© 1999 di
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