|
|
|
|
di's Insite
Camper Comments
Spring has arrived and campers everywhere who like me prefer the warmer months for camping, are preparing their camping gear for nights under the stars, early sunrises and long trail hikes.
Newbies, those starting to discover our National and State Parks winding trails, often sign in the park guestbook, leaving comments that I am sure were meant to give the park service a smile during their read-throughs.
|
|
Let's Talk About It!
Issues newsgroup
Join us to talk about this article!
|
|
|
However there are surely those as naive as I was when I took my first camping lesson. As a city slicker awed by tall pines, a variety of birds not seen at my home feeders, and the intriguing personalities of those country cousins of my back home pesky city squirrels, my writer's mind found much inspiration.
Campers Comments from the Guest Books:
These are supposedly actual comments left on Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpackers completing wilderness camping trips. Human nature being what it is, I wouldn't doubt the authenticity of these remarks. My comments are in italics. You be the judge:
"A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call."
Now them is fightin' words... my dill pickle jar is scared! But what I find curious, is-- he knows it is a deer so he must have seen it, right? Why didn't he ask, "You going to eat that pickle, Deer?" and look straight into that deer's eyes, pleading, sorrowful... hey, it worked in the commercial! Side note: if the deer indeed ate the pickles, and got shot later, would it surprise the hunter to find he had killed a pickled deer? Just curious.
"Escalators would help on steep uphill sections."
Truly this is needed. The rangers could bury the miles of cable needed for electricity so the forest would still "look" rugged. While they have to dig anyway, maybe they could pay for the project with the jewelry they find. I just hope they remember to cover up all those messy leaves lying around, and hey, what about that land-mine pine cones? I about broke an ankle on one of those darn things! They have the bull dozers out... might as well pile all the leaves and pine cones and have a huge bonfire... hey, I like toasting marshmallows like anyone else!
"Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs
to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors
to wilderness."
Yeah, right. Like the Forest Service would lose the hunters who reduce the squirrel population so they can have a job telling us how to NOT enjoy OUR tax-paid forests! Anyway, they are probably too busy in their own tents INCREASING the worldwide population so there will be enough future Forest Service people. Hey, I say, to each his own tent... there would be more tents, closer together... hmm, always wished I could hear what they were saying in those tents at night.
"Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands."
Now that I kinda agree with this one, although I want them wider for a better reason (tell those hand holders to go back to their tents!). While they have the bulldozers building the escalators, they might as well widen the trails, getting rid of those pesky branches that hit you in the face when you least expect it. Besides the fact, my hips get any bigger and I'll have brusies from bumping against the trees. Hmm, now there is another good idea (see how one spawns another?)! How about wrapping those trees with some foam rubber? Bet they'd be warmer in the winter too.
"Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are
more likely to chase animals."
This must have been written by a chased animal. Don't laugh, them critters are mighty smart. I saw a squirrel once throwing nuts at a tent. I guess he was mad at our little late night party keeping him up. Ban walking sticks? What do they think those tree branches and a good pocket knife are for anyways? Besides, walking sticks are good for knocking out those crazy squirrels out of the trees and digging for lost jewelry.
"All the mile markers are missing this year."
Mile markers? If THEY can hike a mile what do they need 'em for? Let's see some block markers for us city folk.
"Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse."
Now that is sad. I think they should have those hazard to your health signs for those poor animals. I am positive some black market must exist in the forest for cigarettes by the piece. How else they getting them? Cause if they could get a whole pack, that horse would have eaten the whole pack just trying to get the darn thing open... that little gold string is hard to see. Bet the squirrels are behind this.
"Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill."
But if we get the escalators it would be OK. This person needs to learn to compromise.
"Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray
the wilderness to rid the area of these pests."
As stated, there are too many of them. You can't stop the breeding habits of leeches. Some of them are in the tents holding hands. But those spider webs could use a good broom sweepin'. Now there is a summer job for all those kids out there. He heehee... take that you squirrels!
"Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow in the winter."
This person has never rolled a snowball down one of the trails from the top of a hill. Bet that woke those squirrels up!
"Chair-lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful
views without having to hike to them."
Well with all that cable being buried I don't think we'll want more up in the sky. However, I would not protest if one of them giant slides were there... think of the fun coming down. Wouldn't take so long, either, to get back to our tents and listen in.
"The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please
eradicate these annoying animals."
No doubt the squirrels are behind this one. Some kind of code, I bet, to signal the next campsite squirrel. After listen intently one night, I think I finally understood the message being sent: big walking stick in camp 3... set land mine in front of flap.
"Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can
hike at night with flashlights."
This one is down right dumb. Last time I went camping the squirrels put dead ones in place of my good ones. So my suggestion is when they lay that cable for the escalators, put up some of those little path lights. It would be nice to have a barn light, too, at intervals leading to the restrooms. I got lost one night trying to find the restroom: I kept following those path pine-cone-markers some kind soul left for me to follow.
"Need more signs to keep area pristine."
Pristine? Must of been an illiterate who wrote that one! Surely they met "latrine".
"A McDonald's would be nice at the trailhead."
Awww. I get enough of those Macs on the road! If they get one at trailhead then I am picketing for a Kentucky Fried at the trailend. It will give me the reason to get there. Hmmm, wonder if KFC would consider adding fried squirrel to the menu?
"The places where trails do not exist are not well marked."
I agree. You start out because there is this cleared space, it looks like a foot has been there before you, tiny marks outline the footprint. Then just as your heart rate is up, and you are looking at that tall pine for squirrels, you step in it.
"Too many rocks in the mountains."
This poor soul I can identify with. I thought that too, until I saw a sign that read "Boulder, CO". Made sense all at once.
Kim says: Maybe we should add a small city too.
Imagine it, "all the comforts of home" LOL
Di says: You know, Kim has a good idea. We could save all that escalator building too. Just cut through some trees (I'm all for recycling them for lumber), plow out some hills, and voila! Just like home... so simple. Hey Kim, we could form a company to do this! One thing though, any name but the Squirrel Outfit.
© 1999 di
|
|
